The Psychology of Money: Why Emotion Runs Your Wallet (Lessons from Dr. Jiemi Ardian)
The Psychology of Money: Why Emotion Runs Your Wallet (Lessons from Dr. Jiemi Ardian)
Money decisions are emotional first, rational later—learn practical ways to pause, set boundaries, and invest calmly so your finances finally serve your life.
Ever wondered why smart people still fall for bad investments or burst their budget with impulse buys? It’s rarely a math failure. It’s an emotion failure. In a candid conversation, psychiatrist Dr. Jiemi Ardian breaks down how our brains prioritize instinct and feelings before logic—especially with money. This guide turns those insights into a step-by-step playbook you can use today.
Money Is Emotional Before It’s Rational
When a “can’t-miss” offer pops up, your body reacts first: heart racing, shallow breathing, a rush of excitement or fear. Only after that does the thinking brain try to justify the decision. That’s why scams push urgency, scarcity, and late-night calls—they aim for your feelings, not your spreadsheets.
A simple model you can use
Think of three layers working together: instinct (fast survival signals), emotion (strong feelings that push action), and reason (the slower planner). In high-arousal moments, instinct and emotion shout; reason whispers. Your job is to help reason speak up.
Practice the pause
Pause for a few breaths before any money move. Name what you feel (excited, tense, afraid of missing out, needing relief). When you name the feeling, you regain options. Without a pause, you’ll buy the story your body is telling—even if it’s wrong.
Insight: Emotion first, narrative second. Your brain often invents logic to defend a feeling you already chose.
Dopamine vs. Serotonin: Why “Quick Wins” Don’t Last
Many money mistakes come from chasing the anticipation high—the thrill before the outcome (think lottery, meme coins, flash sales). That’s dopamine: intense, fast, and short-lived. Sustainable well-being feels different—calmer, steadier, more like serotonin. If your plan relies on constant spikes, your behavior will yo-yo too.
Hedonic adaptation is undefeated
Windfalls fade. Lifestyle upgrades stick. It’s easier to climb living costs than to climb back down. Build a plan that assumes feelings will normalize—and protect yourself with rules before the rush returns.
Childhood Scripts Quietly Write Your Budget
How you were raised—scarcity, chaos, or overspending—shapes today’s patterns. Sandwich-generation pressure (supporting parents and kids) can trigger control-seeking purchases: “I decide my life, so I spend.” Recognize the message beneath the money: are you buying things or buying a feeling (status, safety, control, love)?
Rewrite the script in small, repeatable ways
- Name the trigger → pick a new micro-action. “When I feel stressed, I open my budget app, not a shopping app.”
- Make the feeling visible. Keep a one-page “emotion ledger”: trigger, feeling, action, result.
- Lower friction for good choices. Auto-transfer to savings & investments the day income arrives.
Anti-Scam Reflex: A Four-Step Checklist
Use this whenever you feel a rush about money.
- Pause. Breathe, label the feeling (FOMO, fear, greed, relief-seeking).
- Time-out rule. “If it’s real today, it’s real in 48 hours.” Refuse decisions under pressure.
- Third-party check. Ask someone uninvolved to challenge your logic. Scams hate sunlight.
- Paper trail. If you can’t get clear documentation you understand, you don’t invest.
Boundaries with Family & Friends: Compassion, Not Enabling
You can be kind without becoming a lender of last resort:
- Gift-not-loan rule. If you help, treat it as a one-time gift within your budget. No chasing repayments, no repeat requests.
- Script your “no.” “I can’t lend money, but I can help you plan a budget or find resources.”
- Protect your runway. Emergency fund and essentials come first—even when it’s awkward.
Reminder: Saying “no” to patterns is saying “yes” to your future self.
A Calm Money Operating System
Turn emotional insights into simple systems you can follow on autopilot.
1) Accounts with jobs
- Runway: 3–6 months of expenses, high liquidity.
- Essentials: Bills and needs paid automatically.
- Investing: Auto-invest to diversified funds or instruments you understand.
- Fun: A guilt-free joy budget (travel, hobbies). Spend it fully and happily.
2) Rules you write once (and obey later)
- Pause rule: 48-hour delay for any purchase over your set limit.
- Investment rule: Dollar-cost average on schedule; rebalance when allocation drifts (e.g., 20%).
- Review rule: A 30-minute weekly check: feelings → facts → fix (one small improvement).
3) Triggers & self-soothing that aren’t shopping
- Walk, journal, or cold water on your face to discharge adrenaline.
- Message a “money buddy” with the urge you’re feeling and the rule you’ll follow.
Investing When You’ve Been Burned (Trauma-Aware Steps)
If a past loss makes markets feel dangerous, begin where your nervous system can say “yes.”
- Tiny re-entries. Start with small, regular contributions to low-volatility instruments you understand.
- Evidence over excitement. Prefer boring, documented strategies to hype-driven pitches.
- Visibility reduces fear. Track progress in one dashboard; celebrate consistency, not returns.
- Therapy is allowed. When money triggers “all-or-nothing” thinking, a neutral professional helps widen your options.
From FOMO to Flow: Practical Habits
Five everyday swaps
- From “deal” to value: Ask, “Will this still feel right next month?”
- From rush to record: Log urges; you’ll spot patterns fast.
- From secrecy to sunlight: Discuss big decisions with your partner or money buddy first.
- From lifestyle jumps to upgrades on a timer: Raise spending only after a quarter of consistent investing.
- From shame to curiosity: Replace “I’m bad with money” with “What did this feeling try to do for me?”
Conversation templates that save relationships
With parents: “I’ll set aside a monthly amount I can sustain. Beyond that, I’ll help in non-financial ways.”
With a partner: “Let’s agree on a fun budget and a 48-hour rule for anything above Rp X.”
With yourself: “I feel anxious. I’ll breathe, review my rules, and decide tomorrow.”
Design Joy You Don’t Have to Undo
Joy matters—just make it explicit and affordable. Create a Fun Account you refill monthly. Spend it deliberately on experiences that restore you (time with loved ones, learning, giving). That’s how you keep life rich and your portfolio compounding.
Quote to keep: “Pursuing happiness isn’t always about getting; often it’s about welcoming reality.”
Recommended Reading & Tools
- Emotion Wheel – expand your emotional vocabulary to spot triggers faster. Learn more
- Hedonic Adaptation – why windfalls fade and habits win. Overview
- Happiness by Design by Paul Dolan – arrange your attention and environment for well-being.
- Happy Money by Ken Honda – reflect on how you give, receive, and use money with intention.
Conclusion
Money is a mirror. If you only change numbers, patterns return. If you change how you process feelings, your numbers start obeying you. Breathe before you buy, write rules when you’re calm, automate what works, and protect your boundaries with compassion. Bit by bit, you’ll build a money life that’s steady, generous, and free.
Got a question or a story to share? Drop it below and forward this guide to someone who needs a gentler, smarter way to manage money.
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Labels: Finance
References
- “Lunch #94: Dr. Jiemi Ardian — Money Is The Matter of The Heart” — Fellexandro Ruby (YouTube). Watch the original
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