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How to Control Anger and Build Patience: Lessons from The Psychology of Emotions

Struggling with anger issues or know someone who often loses their temper? The book The Psychology of Emotions by Professor David J. Lieberman offers powerful insights on why we get angry—and how to regain control. Here’s a practical breakdown of seven key strategies to transform frustration into patience and resilience.

Why Anger is Only the Tip of the Iceberg

According to Lieberman, anger is a secondary emotion. It often stems from deeper feelings like fear, rejection, frustration, or hurt. For example, road rage is rarely about traffic itself—it’s about underlying insecurities or fears. Understanding the root helps us manage anger better.

7 Science-Backed Ways to Master Your Emotions

1. Shift Your Perspective

Ask yourself: “Will this matter in a week, a month, or a year?” Most triggers lose importance when viewed in the bigger picture. Expanding perspective is the fastest way to diffuse anger.

2. Build Self-Worth

Low self-worth makes us more reactive. By making better life choices—saving money, upgrading skills, practicing gratitude—we reduce insecurity and ego-driven anger. The stronger your confidence, the less need to “prove” yourself.

3. Reframe Others’ Behavior

How people treat you reflects their self-worth, not yours. A reckless driver or rude colleague often acts out of their own struggles. Recognizing this reduces unnecessary emotional baggage.

4. Heal Inner Wounds

Many triggers come from unresolved childhood experiences. Acceptance is the first step: acknowledging past hurts without letting them dictate your present. Remember: hurt people hurt others.

5. Love Your Daily Life

Burnout fuels irritability. Ask yourself: “What would I do if I couldn’t fail?” or “What would I pursue if money wasn’t an issue?” Finding purpose in daily routines builds joy—and joy reduces anger.

6. Deal with Difficult People

• Show empathy first—many difficult people are battling loneliness.
• Share responsibility rather than blame.
• Speak calmly and politely, never in public confrontation.
• Use constructive feedback: “I’m sharing this because I believe in your potential.”

7. Rewire Your Brain with Neuroplasticity

Repeated behavior shapes neural pathways. Venting anger only reinforces aggression, while practicing calmness wires your brain for patience. Neuroscience shows that consistent restraint builds lasting emotional control.

Quick Reflection Questions

• What situation in your life triggers the most anger?
• Which area of your life makes you feel the smallest?
• What meaningful activity could replace your frustration?

Key Insights

• Anger masks deeper emotions—find the root cause.
• Perspective and self-worth are shields against rage.
• Daily joy and purpose reduce emotional fragility.
• Patience, like anger, compounds with practice.

Conclusion

Managing anger isn’t about suppressing feelings—it’s about understanding them. By shifting perspective, healing inner wounds, and training your brain for patience, you can turn anger into a source of growth. Start small: pause before reacting, journal your triggers, and practice gratitude daily. Over time, your emotional resilience will strengthen—and so will your relationships.

Label: Self Development

References

• DIBACAIN: Buat yang Emosian & Sabarnya Setipis Tisu — Fellexandro Ruby — Original video.